Part II – A Warrior Heart

I’m sharing this part of my story for the first time publicly. Call it a memoir. Call it a testimony. To every believer and skeptic, may you see the transformative truth of a soft heart being a great strength- the true heart of a warrior.

The harder my heart became, the stronger I believed I was becoming. As a result, I went into every friendship positioning myself to be in control so I couldn’t get hurt. Closed off… guarded… callused. 

Life can do that to you. Sin can do that to you. Wounds not dealt with can do that to you. For me, it was abuse, years of it in relationships. It started as unbridled anger and hurtful words, words that should never be said to another person. In time, I grew desensitized to the degrading insults which somehow were 100% of the time directed towards me, and my heart grew cold. “This is what happens to me so I better toughen up”, I tragically believed. 

Cold-hearted and my self esteem bankrupt, I entered into a new relationship and when the lashing out in anger showed up I wasn’t caught off guard. Ironically I felt I could handle it because I was “stronger.” It wasn’t until the words turned into physical abuse leaving visible wounds that I questioned the strength I thought I gained. Unfeeling and running out of reasons to stay, I couldn’t ignore the evidence on my body. “This can’t be making me strong.”

If any scripture could sum up my story, it would be this one. I can read it twenty times, and I'm in awe all over again at the Lord and what He did for me. "And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations." Ezekiel‬ ‭36:26-27‬ ‭

Desperate, with my slew of bad decisions and failed attempts in tow, I turned to God. Over the course of a couple years I dove head first into a Bible-believing church and took the time to have conversations with Pastors who are specifically educated and trained in helping people heal from trauma and pain. Not once did I ever feel like the Lord or the pastors around me were rushing me. Transformation with God can happen in a moment and also as we boldly show up to our everyday lives willing to grow, learn, and heal as He leads us. Gently and lovingly, God removed my cold and callused heart and gave me a tender and responsive new heart. Suddenly, I had hope of the life and person I could be- who God saw all along, a warrior. 

Abuse is a part of my story but it did not make me strong. What I allowed God to do with those seasons and pain and ME is what made me strong. 

A warrior heart is tender and responsive NOT insensitive and unsusceptible. The reality I experienced and believe is common for anyone who has gone through or currently going through a downright awful situation is to allow it to make you hard and closed off. The less you feel, the better. Sure, it made be simpler to move on and act as if nothing can get to you, but deep down you know it’s just a matter of time before the glass you’ve been building on shatters.

Why should you value having a new heart when you’ve made it this far? Because the God of the universe holds the power to remove your stubborn and stony heart and give you a tender and responsive new one so that you can be faithful to Him, His people, and the incredible and unique purpose in which you were created. 

Right here in black and white, our identity and purpose summed up in one sentence! “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

When God removes the bitter, uncaring, and wounded parts in us, He deposits Himself in their place. After all, He’s the original Mighty Warrior and you were made in His image. You my friend, can do this thing called life. No one said it would be easy.

You can’t spell warrior without war.

You were made to have a warrior heart.

Love & Prayers,
Hales