Not Perfect but Positioned

For the first time since childhood I felt truly seen, genuinely accepted, deeply loved, and I wanted to stay in the moment forever. My aching heart had found rest. Hope began to rise up within me, but what was happening? I couldn’t answer that question but I couldn’t stay away-I wanted more.

Only days before that life-altering moment the scene of my life looked night-and-day different. Weekends and some week nights consisted of me and a group of “friends” finding a new bar to use our fake I.D.’s- this weekend was no different. After drinking my fair share it was time to head home, or in my case somewhere else because my sorrows weren’t completely drowned yet. With no one to stop me, I got behind the wheel.

“My life is over. No one will ever love me now. You’ve really screwed up this time.”

Feeling invincible at just nineteen years old, I drove with confidence, and that “confidence” got me 2 blocks from my destination when lights began flashing in my rearview mirror. “My life is over. No one will ever love me now. You’ve royally screwed up this time.” Fear crippled me, I accepted that my life was over, and I did whatever the police officer asked of me. So, there I sat alone on a curb with my hands behind my head for what felt like hours; no friends, no phone, nobody at all, A L O N E.

“I know why things ended up the way they did- God had mercy on a lost, broken, and deeply hurt little girl.”

Being toe-to-toe with a police officer who meant business wasn’t a place I ever dreamed I’d be but there I was, trying to brace myself for what I knew was coming, what I knew I deserved. Unforgettably she bent down, let out a big sigh and said, “If I took you to jail tonight you wouldn’t be alive in the morning. You’re going home.” Writing this to you now, I still have to pause because I could hardly fathom the outcome of that night. Almost 8 years later, I know why things ended up the way they did- God had mercy on a lost, broken, and deeply hurt little girl.

“I was now positioned to be touched by a God who could love me like no other, heal my broken places, and reveal who He made me to be.”

A few days later I finally accepted a 10 month-old invitation from a college friend to go to church with her. I think she realized I had finally hit rock bottom but, strangely, that only increased her kindness to me. For ninety minutes in that church service I felt safe and accepted-I’d almost forgotten… I didn’t suddenly become perfect nor were all my issues suddenly resolved, but I was now POSITIONED… to be touched by a God who could love me like no other, heal my broken places, and reveal who He made me to be. I made Jesus Lord of my life, and began to follow Him. From that day, I chose to do things His way. Later, with the help of that same friend who invited me to church, I found the courage to lower my walls and invited God to help me with some deeply rooted issues. An adventure had begun, and for the first time in a long time I knew I wasn’t alone, I had good people around me, and was starting to know a God, The God, who dearly loved me and wanted me all along.

Before you go, would you ponder specific question for a moment? How do you position yourself to be touched by God? Each day, I invite God to lead me, I read His Word, and spend time journaling to Him. Truthfully, you couldn’t pay me any amount of money to skip this time; it’s as essential to my life as eating healthy meals every day. Why is it important we position ourselves? Bluntly speaking, it shows the God of the universe, the Creator of the World, the One who sent His only Son to save you…that you are serious about Him. You don’t have to present yourself perfectly, but you do have to position yourself.

Love & Prayers,
Haley