When I’m the best Haley.
See what I did there? You probably chose this blog to read because you wanted to know why I thought I was the best so you could possibly glean some tips or, let’s be honest, compare yourself or make jokes. Whether you’re married, searching, or happily single, this blog is for you.
One word revolutionized my world: self-care. Go ahead, get the eye-rolling out of your system, the jokes of who has time for that, and how you secretly wish you could implement a little more “me time.” Friend, let me just say this, desiring time for yourself is not selfish, to be frowned upon, or or impossible to achieve. Dare I say, self-care should be one of the pillars you build your life around. Take it from me.
In 2016, this life-changing word entered my vocabulary and truth be told, stopped me in my tracks. As my old friend Bilbo Baggins said, “I was spread too thin like not enough butter over too much bread.” Any invitation extended to me or to my husband and I was basically the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. Yikes! Any “extra” thing put on our plates was simply too much. Time for a date night, yeah right. All we had the energy to do was fix something super easy and quite terrible for us to eat for dinner and turn on some show so we could turn our brains off. We even put a fancy word on it so we wouldn’t feel guilty- we called it: “un-constructive rest.” HA!
“When you are at your best, you are resilient when it comes to your marriage and the various seasons it brings, the stress of life, work, schedules, and all of your relationships.”
Life and marriage are NOT supposed to be that way. Your life and marriage is not supposed to be that way. On the contrary, God’s design for marriage should enlarge your life. Why then do so many of us walk around exhausted and frazzled, desperate for a season change, when truthfully we hold the key to that very change we seek? It starts with you. What do I mean? When you are at your best, you are resilient when it comes to your marriage and the various seasons it brings, the stress of life, work, schedules, and all of your relationships. When you are walking around completely exhausted, there is nothing for you to give or extend to who needs you most, your spouse, not to mention the many other hats you wear. Let’s get practical. You have to take care of you in the ways no one else can- spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
Spiritually
Daily spend time with your Heavenly Father, it’s essential. Sit at the feet of Jesus, and simply be. Isaiah 12:3 says, “With joy, draw from the waters of salvation.” Because of what Jesus did for you and me on the cross we have access to all we need for today, and so much more. “Doing life” in your own strength will leave you exhausted, depleted, and even bitter. Go to the author of life, the author of your life, and allow Him to fill you and speak to you about today. Find a quiet place you enjoy being, read God’s Word, and ask Him to show you a verse for today, then S.O.A.P. it in a journal. (Thank you, Wayne Cordiero, author of Divine Mentor. I read it once a year and recommend it!)
- S – Scripture: Write down a verse that really stands out to you.
- O – Observation: Who’s speaking to who? What’s the setting? What do you glean from it? Write it all out.
- A – Application: How does this apply to your life right now? Really think about, then write it down.
- P – Prayer: Write our your prayer to God regarding the scripture’s activity in your life.
Investing into your spiritual life through daily time with God using a practical method like S.O.A.P. will expand the territory of your marriage because you have a daily intake of Truth and Life. Try it!
Emotionally
Caring for yourself is important. Your emotional health is up to you to be aware of and in front of. Our spouse’s need us to care of ourselves. They can’t fill this need for us. Blaming one’s work environment or schedule is the reason this area usually suffers, but truth be told it’s because we aren’t holding our own needs to be of enough importance or value. Some of us regularly put ourselves on the altar and call it sacrifice when it’s honestly neglect. You need to do things for yourself that put a smile on your face or make you laugh so hard you momentarily forget about your to-do list. The benefits are worth it. For me, it’s one evening alone a week where I pop my favorite popcorn, put on a movie that my husband would make fun of. I laugh or cry and simply enjoy my own company. The simple pleasures of salty popcorn, no schedule, no deadlines, and a house to myself is like an emotional reset. This 2-3 hour window of time every week really helps me to not get too caught up in the stress of life. Find out what works for you then guard that time. You matter that much. You’d be surprised what an act of kindness towards yourself once a week will do to your marriage. Two people who take care of themselves emotionally, can better take care of one another in every area.
Physically
Get moving. You have the ability to release endorphins in your brain which make you feel HAPPY! Why wouldn’t you do that?! Here’s something so quirky about me, when I complete a fitness class at my gym I literally feel like I can do anything; so naturally that’s when I clean my house! I’m also going to say, we need to take care of ourselves physically because our husbands deserve it. Whether your husband takes this advice or not, you should. When you feel your best, you give your best, and who doesn’t feel good about themselves after they just sweat it out at the gym, run around the block, or walk in your neighborhood. Physical self-care isn’t last on the list because it’s least important; it’s last because it usually takes the first two being in order to get this one right.
Spiritual, Emotional, and Physical self-care will launch you into the best version of you. You will be the best wife because you are the best YOU! Before you go, take a couple minutes to plan out your own regimen of self-care. Then, begin.
Love & Prayers,
Haley