Written by Brooke Pierce.
I heard this quote in a movie called About Time, and it stuck with me. There is a lot to the movie, but this quote comes from one of the main characters as she talks about getting married and starting a family with her fiancé. Do you ever hear quotes in movies or read something in a book that is just kind of thrown in there, and it changes your entire view of something? That’s what this quote was to me.
When you’ve known someone all your life and have been married for almost 14 years, you will inevitably see “lots and lots of types of days.”
My husband is the love of my life. If I could explain how much I love him in words, I would. He is my best friend, my flirt buddy, my partner in ministry, the man who gives me butterflies still (after almost 14 years of marriage), the one who cherishes me and reminds me every day that I’m loved and beautiful and important to him. He’s also the dad of our two boys, Landon and Nate. Josh and I grew up together, so we have known each other for 33 years. We even spent time in the same crib when we were babies, not knowing that one day we’d still be sharing the same bed. 😉 We grew up as friends, into best friends, and then one night while I was away my freshman year of college, I woke up around 11:30pm, flipped on the lights and told my roommate I couldn’t stop thinking about Josh (out of NOWHERE!). I went down to the empty room at the end of the dorm hallway, sat on the dresser, swung my legs over the bed rails, and called Josh. I had no idea what he was going to say, but what he tells me is that when we got off the phone, he said out-loud, “Thank you God.” And that’s where the story of us really began.
I moved back to Wisconsin that Summer, and we dated and fell ridiculously in love with each other. We got engaged on Christmas Eve (most romantic and magical night ever, snow and all), and got married that next Summer. I felt like I was in a fairytale, and to this day, I still see it the exact same way.
When you’ve known someone all your life and have been married for almost 14 years, you will inevitably see “lots and lots of types of days.” There’s the incredible days where you are on vacation, away from the kids, doing lots of married couple things. 😉 There are the stressful days, when you don’t seem to have a moment to breathe. There are the exciting days when you go into the ultrasound room to find out if this precious miracle of life is a boy or a girl. There are the sad days when you get that phone call that someone you loved so much has gone to be with Jesus. There are fun date days when you get to try out a new restaurant and go bowling. There are unknown days when you’re waiting to hear results from a medical test. There are relaxing days when the only thing you did was watch Fixer Upper and drink iced tea. And there are the days that are just… gray. You don’t feel like you’re on the same page, you find yourself arguing with each other for no reason and just wanting some time alone. Josh and I have experienced all of these types of days in our marriage, and more.
But the thing I’ve learned through my almost 14 years of marriage is this: It’s okay. It’s okay for things to not be 100% all the time. It’s okay to have tough days in your marriage. It’s okay to feel like you’re on different planets from time to time. It’s okay when it’s just an off day. But we can’t stay in those days. When we feel that way, we FIGHT against it. We FIGHT for our marriage. We FIGHT to put our spouse first (after God of course) in our world. We FIGHT against the feeling that it might feel this way forever.
“If you don’t work at your marriage, it will not work how it should.”
Not every day will look the same, and that’s how life is. So in those times, whatever they look like in your marriage, make sure you listen. Show grace. Be honest. Be slow to anger. Don’t just say I love you – show it. Speak to each other’s love languages as much as you can (and if you haven’t taken the love language test, do that). Talk kindly and carefully to each other. Put God in the middle of every argument, every decision, every moment. Pray together and for each other.
The truth is, marriage isn’t easy. And if you don’t work at your marriage, it will not work how it should. Marriage can be hard. You go through times where things feel off and you find yourselves distant. But God will fight for your marriage. And YOU need to fight for your marriage. Keep going. Keep working on it. Keep praying. Don’t ever stop being thankful for what you have. Remember that how you love each other changes, because it’s supposed to. And be ready for lots and lots of types of days.
Brooke is a wife, mom of two boys, and Pastor who lives in Houston and is devoted to God, her family, and ministry. She loves serving in the community, her dog Mia, ice cream, reading books, cooking, and being with her family.