Today is the final day in 2019. This morning, I finished reading the One Year Bible for the fourth or fifth time… I honestly can’t remember which. Closing the cover I thought to myself, it feels like I just did this. Ever been there? I decided to follow this thought train and see where it would lead. I’m glad I did.
Another year reading the One Year Bible. Another year journaling almost every day. Another year in my house. Another year having Chance, my dog. Another year without kids. Another year with Isaac by my side and me alongside his. Another year at my church. Another year leading the best youth ministry in The Woodlands. Another year in The Woodlands. Another year loving Jesus. Then I stopped suddenly. What about 2020?
What will 2020 bring? Who will I meet in 2020? What kind of person will I be at the end of it all? Will we start our family? What will I learn about God? Life? Marriage? Myself? Family? Friends? All of these questions are without answers yet they remain. Maybe I can answer some of them for 2019? The thought train continued. This time, I wasn’t just along for the ride, I was traveling down paths I’ve been on before, only I saw it all from a different perspective.
2019 brought me new experiences that made me better. A love for running is one of the big ones! I found something that totally and completely puts me at ease. The outside air on my face, sunshine peaking through the trees, and the feeling I get at the end of the trail somehow is, for me, the perfect way to begin a day. This year also brought speaking opportunities that brought me out of my comfort zone, special moments in beautiful places with Isaac, the need for intentional self-care, (hence the running!) and I tried and decided I really enjoy indian food (thank you Brooke!). Because of these new experiences, my willingness to try new things has busted wide open. It’s pretty amazing what you learn about yourself when you try new things. I’ve decided to continue the trend in 2020.
2019 introduced me to some amazing people. Working at a church you meet new faces regularly, which can sometimes make it hard for relationships to stick. It did my soul a lot of good to recall the new faces I met that made a mark on me. Allowing new people in this year added value, love, laughter, and fulfillment to my life as a whole. Frankly, if this morning didn’t happen with the whole de ja vu thing, I can’t say I would have thought about this. I’m so looking forward to growing these friendships in 2020. What an honor.
Who was I in 2019? Answering this took a little courage. As I reflected on this year, good and not so good memories surfaced in my mind and heart. How I handled things that came my way replayed instantly. After a couple minutes of navigating the natural fears of self-discovery, I was surprised at who I saw when I looked back. I was and am a God-aligned warrior who is enduring. I saw myself pruned of self and so much fear of the unknown. I saw a brave, willing, and dependable woman who gained another year under belt. I like who I see when I look back. I’m proud of who I’m becoming.
What did I learn about God in 2019? God leads with love and from love which makes his leading gentle. When God speaks, He wants me to hear it. Every process God takes me through leads me closer to Him. When I’ve completely disqualified myself, God has a way to show me just how far I’ve come, and that’s pretty encouraging.
This morning, I had the posture of just sliding into 2020 without any wins or victories behind me. Truth be told, I wasn’t feeling or seeing any of this while it was happening, in fact I thought quite the opposite most of the year. I had no idea how mush growth was taking place. Questions that I asked over and over again were: “God where are you? God are you going to intervene? Am I making any progress as a human being?” Letting the questions I had for the new year help me turn the page on the year I just lived was revolutionary for me. Logically, my answers aren’t big on a measuring scale, they aren’t mind-blowing, or even record-breaking. No. These answers are edifying. These answers did something within me.
For the first time, I’m truly going into a new year with some sort of grasp on who I am becoming and an even better grasp on who God is. If you’re willing, allow my questions to take you on a similar journey. What did 2019 bring in your life? Who did 2019 introduce you to? What kind of person were you in 2019? What did you learn about God in 2019? You may not know what 2020 holds for you in these areas, but you do have a full 365 days to look back on and learn from.
If you were thinking of just sliding into the new year, I invite you to enter a different way. Walk into 2020 with hope because you know where you’ve been and that not a day was wasted. Walk into 2020 with security because there are people around you that you didn’t meet on accident. Walk into 2020 with peace because God is with you, for you, and has so much He will show you about Him and yourself.
Happy New Year.
Love & Prayers,
Haley